Communications Crimes: Empathy or a lack thereof

Over the coming weeks, I want to tackle what I like to call communications crimes. These ‘crimes’ are ones that have been raised with me as well as ones I’ve experienced directly. Following the chaos of the last two years and as we now begin to establish our new normal I think it’s a suitable time to reflect on our communication skills and areas we could work on. 

Communication to me is like the ligaments in our bodies. It is the connective tissue that we as a society use to connect with others. Communication comes in many forms, spoken, written and even body language all form part of how we communicate with each other and the outside world.

According to medicineplus.gov A ligament is a fibrous connective tissue that attaches bone to bone, and usually serves to hold structures together and keep them stable. Without ligaments our bones, would be unstable there’s a phrase that suggests our bodies are simply a sack of bones, but that’s unfair without ligaments they would be a sack of bones, but ligaments allow us to sit upright, keep my finger bones in place as I type, and are vital for our bodies work. I’ve torn ligaments and while I am not a doctor I do have an understanding of the sheer pain involved in damaging these pieces of tissue. 

So what’s my point? If we want to communicate effectively then we must try to connect with our target audience and that requires empathy. 

A recent report in Forbes magazine described Empathy as the most important leadership skill. It’s a hard thing to grapple with, it doesn’t come naturally to everyone and it can be hard to take a step back and react with empathy in moments of crisis. Right now after over 18 months of a global pandemic, I think it's fair to say that we’re all feeling stressed, jaded and quite frankly worn out. So you might think you have no time for empathy. 

That’s where you are wrong. It’s quite simply true that if we do not communicate with empathy we are putting our audience under a certain pressure. Whether it’s employees, clients, colleagues or even our families. Industries are calling out for workers across the globe at the moment, Drivers of Heavy Goods Vehicles can’t be found right now as the recent fuel crisis in the UK illustrates, few people want a job where you have to sleep in a vehicle on a roadside or work unsociable jobs. 

In healthcare, sick leave is at an all-time high, after working non stop throughout the pandemic and under severe pressure due to staffing shortages nurses and doctors among others are suffering medical exhaustion. 

How on earth will empathy solve these and other problems you might ask? It won’t not on its own at least, but  I can confidently say that if we do not at least try to communicate with empathy we will at best add to our growing list of problems and at worst escalate a simple problem into a full-blown crisis. 

So how can we do better? 

Email is a cold medium in many respects. It can be hard to gauge the tone of voice, to know what your manager is thinking behind the text. So if we want to send email communications with a bit more empathy firstly consider your audience. Will this person be bothered by the fact that I sent this email outside of work hours? Is my writing conversational in style? Did I start with a greeting? (Nothing lacks empathy more than an email that doesn’t begin with a polite hello)

Listening is key. In the midst of a crisis, it can be hard to be empathetic, our natural instinct is to solve the problem as quickly as possible. However, we should remember that in the heat of battle our true character is shown. As leaders, we must take the time to listen to the problem being shared. And I don’t mean nod and smile until the other person stops talking listening, I mean actively listening, hearing the information that is being given to you. Then and only then should you begin to look for a solution, for no problem can ever be solved if we don’t first understand what’s gone wrong. 

As the Forbes article states: “Great leadership requires a fine mix of all kinds of skills to create the conditions for engagement, happiness and performance, and empathy tops the list of what leaders must get right.”

A number of months ago now I was listening to Dr Rhonda Mahony being interviewed by Ryan Tubridy on RTE Radio One. Dr Mahony had been brought on to discuss her career as head of the National Maternity Hospital in Dublin. As the conversation wound its way around the usual life and times style questions an interview of this sort normally attracts they landed on the topic of communications. Dr Mahony said she always emphasises the importance of language in healthcare. Saying it might be a busy day for you, but that family you broke bad news to, they’ll remember your words for life. 

Her words struck a chord with me, I will never forget the manager who told me to simply get over it following a close bereavement, or the words used to tell me my father was terminally ill, “Google it, there’s no good news in Amyloidosis”. 

In order to communicate with empathy, we must put ourselves in the shoes of our audience, we need to ask ourselves will this action cause additional stress and if so is it worth it? 

Studies show that that empathy leads to increased innovation, engagement and retention of staff to name just some of the benefits. To put it quite simply communicating with empathy works. 

To find out more about my communications coaching practice you can contact me through my website www.aislingorourke.com or by email: info@aislingorourke.com